If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.

Proverbs 18:13

I’ve found that I’ve fallen into a Parent Trap, for lack of a better term.  This particular Parent Trap, I suspect, has snared many parents before me, and will continue to do so long after I’m gone.

It is the Parent Trap of choosing to not really listen to my children.

The bait for the Trap goes something like this:  “She’s just a kid, only 12 years old, doesn’t know a thing about the real world, only wants to talk naively about this or that, only wants to talk about Taylor Swift’s new song which I really could care less about, she’s telling me her point of view and it’s obviously way off base because, again, she’s just a kid and she doesn’t know any better, and so I’m going to not really listen and instead think about the Parental Pearls of Wisdom that will soon come forth from my mouth which she needs to hear, and in fact I’ll probably interrupt her in just a second if she doesn’t stop talking because, again, she’s just a kid…”

To be clear, my daughter, age 12, IS just a kid.  She DOESN’T know a thing about the real world.  Many times she DOES want to talk naively about this or that.  She DOES need my Parental Pearls of Wisdom.

But by choosing to not really listen to her, I am doing her a disservice.  I’m not setting the proper example.  Indeed, my action of interrupting her to “set her straight” is not only sending her the message that I don’t really care about what she thinks, it also is training her to “go and do likewise” when she reaches adulthood.

I need to realize that choosing to truly listen to my daughter, even when she is talking about nonsense, does not require me to agree with her or refrain from teaching her the right and better way.  I need to realize that choosing to truly listen to my daughter is showing her a better way; in fact, it is showing her God’s way.  That means it’s part of “bring(ing) her up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).

The Proverb quoted above helped me to realize this.  “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”

You know those annoying people who are obviously just waiting for you to stop talking so they can talk because they obviously are not listening to you and are instead just waiting for you to stop so they can say what they want to say?

Are you one of those people and don’t even know it?  Am I?  Sometimes.  Perhaps more times than I realize (or care to admit.)

The New Testament says, “…let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak…” (James 1:19).  “Quick to hear.”  In other words, automatically choose to listen when someone is talking to you.  Listen with the goal of understanding what they are saying, even if you don’t agree with it.

Make yourself think only about where they’re coming from instead of thinking about what you want to say to them.  This is necessary because if we come to understand them, we can have a much more compassionate response about not only the topic of discussion but also about their own perspective.  If said perspective requires correction, the fact that we listened first will help us to give that correction in a better way and also help them to be more open to receiving it.

Are you a bad listener?